Freud was wrong. Shakespeare was right. Why siblings really fight.
Surprisingly, this was the shortest chapter in the book! Yet my mind is swirling after reading this chapter! How to organize my thoughts as I blog? I've got my perspective as a mother with two siblings who are constantly fighting! My thoughts as an administrator of child care programs for over 20 years! A Masters Degree holder in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on Advanced Family Therapy! An oldest sibling myself! AND a member of an extended family where, if the 5 siblings didn't go for it at least once or twice during a gathering, there was something seriously wrong! I guess you'll have to sort it out yourself!
Bronson and Merryman begin the chapter with a discussion about all the studies over the years that have been done on only children, the premise being that only children are somehow different than children with siblings, especially when it comes to positive social skills. Well, guess what! Only children are notless skilled than children with siblings. The question arises: Could it be that as parents and scientists, we think that those never-ending interactions with sibs are positive, when in fact it could be just the opposite?
Studies show that siblings between the ages of three and seven fight/argue/torture their parents for approximately 10 minutes each hour. According to one researcher, only about one of every 8 conflicts ends in a positive fashion. The other seven interactions usually end with the siblings pulling away, usually at the expense of the youngest child.
Another study watched how 4 year olds treated their siblings as opposed to their friends. The results showed that the kids made 7x more controlling and negative comments to their siblings than to their friends. A Scottish researcher believes that because siblings will always be there, there is no real incentive to act as nicely as they do to their friends. She says, "Sibship is a relationship in which the boundaries of social interaction can be pushed to the limit. Rage and irritation need not be suppressed, whilst politeness and toleration can be neglected." (Italics mine! Ringing any bells for any adult siblings out there???)
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