Don't Pee on the Bee

Mommy Grades

The May 2011 issue of Parenting magazine has an article in it titled "The Secrets of Happy Families."  Now, there was a time when I would have eaten up an article like this . . . when I was a sleep-deprived first-time mother, wondering if I was doing things right or wrong, and just plain worrying about everything.  Articles like this always felt like they held the key, and if I read them, I would learn how to do things better.

Well, six years into this mothering journey, articles like this don't resonate with me as well.  (And I actually feel guilty writing that statement since I am also a writer!)  But I just am a lot more suspicious of articles that propose to have the answers for all of us.  And even though breaking things into "8 Easy Steps to . . ."  or "10 New Ways to. . . " is a writer's gold mine, it makes me leery these days--especially when it comes to mothering.  Many of us already have the Bad Mother Police monitoring our moves.  We don't need more material making us question ourselves.

But it really wasn't the article about the secrets of happy families that got me thinking.  It was the sidebar with the question How Do I Get the Most Out of Motherhood?  (Already feeling nervous.)  The answers, of course, are in Parenting's new book called The Happiest Mom.  (Oh, yeah!)  And naturally, there are 5 easy steps.  (OK, "easy" was my word, but it seems implied, doesn't it?  Oh, yeah.  Read the first step.)

1. Take the easy way out.
2. Aim low, and go slow.
3. Trust your gut.
4. Keep it real.
5. Find your tribe.

So, none of these sound particularly "easy" to me.  Maybe it's just me.  But if I "aim low," I'm still going to wonder if I am aiming low enough!  Maybe I'm still aiming too high.  Maybe I'm going too fast.  Or maybe, in my case, too slow.  And maybe it's because I still have Race to Nowhere on my brain and am really questioning our definitions of success these days, whether it's motherhood, academics, or something else.  Do I really need to aspire to be the happiest mom?  What about a mom who is happy?  Or even relatively happy?  Or a mom who is in a perhaps slightly cranky?

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

 

But I'm Just Helping . . .

Those words have become a big joke around our house these days.  And no, those words are not coming out of my kids' mouths!  They come out of my husband's mouth.  I just fake smile at him, turn around and grimace.  He knows about the grimace, and it makes him laugh.

So the other night when I was reading the May 2011 issue of Parenting magazine, I cracked up when I read the Pop Culture column by Shawn Bean called Help Has No Fury . . ..  I always enjoy his columns and probably ought to read his blog more often since he always makes me laugh.

So anyway, he shares about a recent study that was published in Developmental Psychology that shows that the more that fathers participated in "the caregiving of their child," the more conflict there was between the parents.  I think I might need to get my hands on a copy of that study!  And I'm not sure why they didn't ask me to participate.  I could have saved them a lot of work and just told them how it was!

This is us.  Well, probably a sentence closer to the truth is This is me.  And my husband knows it.  Try as I might, I have the hardest time letting him do things his way.  Even after I read this article, I said to him, "I usually cook JJ's egg in the blue bowl."  Then I realized what I was doing, so I quickly added, "I think the white bowl is fine.  I'm just saying that I use the blue bowls.  And since they are a little bit bigger, it might change the cooking time.  That's why I'm telling you . . . "  I swear I felt like I was tripping on my tongue!  What I really wanted to say was, "Will you just use the blue bowl like I showed you???"  And don't even get me started on the dishwasher.  I will just straight up admit that I re-load it whenever my husband tries to "help" and load it himself.  I am one of them.  Is there a support group for us?

And the sad thing is that I know when I'm not here, the kids and my husband are just fine.  But it's kind of affirming  sad   funny (hmmm . . . can't find the right word here!) to hear the kids complain about the way that their dad does things.  "He doesn't sing me a lullaby like you do, Mommy."  "Nope.  Daddy didn't say our prayers with us."  And yesterday . . . amidst loud wailing . . . "I want a big sandwich!  I don't like it when Daddy makes my lunch!"  But then I feel sort of responsible, like I might have contributed to some of their disgruntlement (is that even a word???) with their dad.  But I've got to admit, there is that voice in my head that says If he would only do it my way, everything would be fine.

I wonder if the study has some answers for us instead of just telling us what we, as amazing and intelligent mothers, already know.

The Pioneer Woman

Now THIS is a website that is definitely worth checking out!    The Pioneer Woman   My friend Janis sent me a link to it and has been reading it and loves her recipes!  I expected it to be another food blog--you know--nice, cute, good recipes.  I'm telling you, it is much more than that!  It has just about everything but the kitchen sink but is completely readable!  So please just check it out!

And here is a hilarious post from her blog (under Confessions)--The Turquoise Butterfly.  She was on The View last week and was listed in Parenting magazine's March 2010 issue.  It feels like it will take some time to make my way through this site and learn where I really want to go, but I think it is beautiful and fabulous!  Hope you like it too!

And did I mention that she is amazing photographer and even has a section of her photos that you can download for free?  That's her photo with the cows.  I swear I think I have entered heaven!  This is the life I always dreamed of--a little Laura Ingalls Wilder, anyone?

Yes, soup for you!

Soup is sounding good with the cooler weather arriving and that beautiful rain!  I am going to try this recipe for Lemony Lentil Soup with Greens (from October 2009 Parenting Early Years magazine).  They think kids will eat it.  I'm not betting on it with my kids!  This is more for me!  With a nice piece (or two!) of bread . . . maybe some nice wine . . . Hmmm . . . lunch might not be so bad that day!

Pints for Prostates

Since I was somewhat "man bashy" on Monday--could it have been PMS???--let me make up for it!  Saw an upside down ad in Parenting magazine (October 2009) and was blown away. 

Some of the ad text:

If you're smart enough to read this, you're smart enough to get tested.

Be a man.  Call your doctor and schedule an appointment today.  Then tell your friends.  The more men we reach, the more lives will be saved.  And we can all say "Cheers!" to that.

Pints for Prostates.  Reaching men through the universal language of beer.
For more information, visit www.ustoo.org/pints

DEFINITELY CHECK OUT THEIR WEBSITE! 
VERY COOL AND MUCH CLASSIER THAN THOSE PMS GUYS!

And now for a moment of meditation

Loved this idea from Parenting magazine (again!)  Lots of fun little things in the October issue.

Lisa Druxman, founder of the Stroller Strides exercise program, suggests this mini-meditation to help calm down:

Sit in a quiet place in front of a lit candle.  Calmly watch the flame flicker, and imagine that you can steady it by making your breath smooth and even, breathing softly in through your nose and out through your mouth.  Act as if the more peaceful your body, the more peaceful the flame.  If a draft moves it, simply focus on bringing the flame back to stillness again.

So now I just need to try it!  (Light candle, focus, breathe.)  My conclusion?  Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.  Now THAT was nice!  Just a few quiet moments to myself.  Try it.  And if that doesn't work for you, you might want to try Food Should Taste Good Chocolate Tortilla Chips.  You've got to check out their website--very clever--and very yummy sounding chips!   Amazon sells 12 bags for 28 bucks.  Maybe I should splurge and share!!!

Nothing like a good ol' curse word!

My thanks go to the editors at Parenting magazine again!

According to a(nother!) British study (see yesterday's post), swearing may minimize pain.  The study showed that volunteers were able to keep their hands in ice water longer when they were swearing than when they used family-friendly words.  Now we just need to be sure that we are only injured when our kids aren't around!!!