Don't Pee on the Bee

The More Time Outdoors Update

As I wrap up the updates today, "more music," "more contemplation" and "more love" weren't directly addressed.  So in my own neurotic way, I must address them.  As for music, lots and lots of it as we listened to Sarah "rehearse" for her holiday show at school.  I must have listened to that CD at least 50 times in the last month!  And I am not exaggerating!!!  I listened to it 7 times yesterday alone as she "practiced" for our friend, Jaki, who is coming over today!  I don't know about you, but there is always music going on at our house!

As for the contemplation part of it?  Well, I think I have contemplated, updated and blogged to my heart's content this past week.  And I definitely contemplated along the way--although it may have looked like muttering and sputtering and fuming!  And love?  Well, that's been there all along.

So let's finish our Christmas journey from our fun party to even more fun--and in the sun!

On Christmas Eve we went to the Children's Mass at our church and then came home for a nice easy dinner.  (Gotta love those crock pots!)  My dad, "PopPop," spent the night with us and was awakened very early the next morning!  (JJ woke up at 5:38, but we kept him busy with us until 6:20.  He was going to pop, so we finally had to let him out!)

After having a nice morning with presents and breakfast, my dad left, and we just hung out for awhile.  J.R. and the kids had to head onto the roof to make sure that the reindeer and Santa didn't damage the roof since a big rain storm was headed in that day.  Lo and behold, when the kids got up on the roof, they found chewed on carrot tops!  The same carrots that they had left next to Santa's cookies and milk!  The looks on their faces were priceless!

Late that afternoon, we headed to the Bay Area to have dinner with my mom.  But the fun was just  beginning!  The next day we headed to San Francisco with the sunlight streaming into the car.  Our destination?  The San Francisco Zoo.  Why?  The real reindeer, of course!  We had such a fun day at the zoo, picnicking and seeing the animals.  It was such a treat to be out of the house and doing something fun in a place that the kids and my husband had never been to before.  Although the wind was brisk, it felt fabulous to be outside and enjoying it.  If you haven't been there in awhile. it is definitely worth checking out.  It has been redone, and redone well.  The exhibits were larger and more realistic.  And of course, the old carousel (that my mom rode when she was a young girl!) has been restored and is quite lovely.

 After the fun of the zoo, we checked out one of the best streets for Christmas lights as we drove home.  The kids were totally blown away by all of the lights and decorations.  And after a good night's sleep, we were ready to head off on our next adventures!

JJ and J.R. headed to the USS Hornet, an aircraft carrier that is docked in Alameda.  JJ has been obsessed with aircraft carriers and the like ever since he saw Battle 360 on TV.  (When he watches this, I always draw the curtains and turn the sound way done in hopes of keeping the Bad Mother Police at bay!  I still feel that this is not one of my finer mothering moments!)  But anyway, the two boys headed that way, and my mom and Sarah and I headed back to SF.  I was lucky enough to be heading to the second part of the Impressionist exhibit that I saw at the de Young Museum in August.  My mom was taking Sarah over to the Academy of Science to check it out again.  The last time we were there, she was just 2, so she had no memory of the place.  Let me tell you, though, she has memories now!  The rain forest.  The white alligator.  The butterflies.  The "dead cheetah."  (Stuffed!)  Golden Gate Park was just beautiful that day too, and we had a fabulous time.  Again, it was just such a treat to be slightly "tourist-y," especially when the weather was so gorgeous!

I really can't tell you how much fun this was.  And it felt so right in that Hundred Dollar Holiday way.  I know my kids are going to remember this trip to the zoo and the museums they saw the days after Christmas.  And I think since it was right after Christmas, it made it even more special.  The zoo was decorated still and so there was still that magic in the air!  I hope that we all can find and enjoy that magic next year as well! 

Just think of me as you're making your plans!  And know that if I could do some of these things, you can too!  Breathe.  Be you.  And do it.

The More Companionship Update

There were 5 things that Bill McKibben listed as things that we want more of during Christmas:  more music, more companionship, more contemplation, more time outdoors, and more love.  I tried to keep those things in my mind during the holidays.  Sometimes I needed reminding . . .

I was visiting with my friend, Amy, and truth be told, I was bitching about my family's response to my ideas for the holidays.  She asked me, "What is you favorite thing about the holidays?"  I said, "You know what I love the most?  Thanksgiving.  That's my favorite holiday.  I love the food.  I love making the food.  I love people being happy because of the food.  And there's no hype.  No expectations.  That's what I love."  And she simply said, "Then do that."  (She's so wise, that woman!)

And so that's what I decided to do.  For our celebration at our house, I definitely focused on the food.  Homemade enchiladas with homemade sauce.  Homemade Spanish rice.  Corn pudding.  Beans (from a can!)  Dessert that my mom made was fabulous too!  Old family favorites.  A yummy salad.  Chips, salsa and guac.  It was all good!

But I also came home that day after talking to Amy and said to the kids, "Do you want to have a party?"  Exuberant screams and yelling ensued!  And . . . we had a party for our friends on the 23rd of December.  And it was fun!  There were 18 kids and 10 adults at my house.  And they were here for hours!  I made two kinds of soup and a salad and had bread.  Another friend brought another soup.  There were cookies and an almond tart.  And chocolate rice cakes that rocked the kids' world!  Did I already say that we had so much fun???  And surprisingly, for the number of kids that were here, the number of issues were surprisingly small.  And let me tell you, we moms were not doing the best job of supervision!  We had our bowls and plates and stayed in the kitchen, talking and laughing and sharing, and having a--yes, I'll say it again!--fabulous time!

I honestly felt so happy the whole time they were here.  To me, it really was what I wanted it to be.  A treat for my friends--and for me--and no hassle and stress.  Everyone was chilled out and relaxed while they were here.  And there were no expectations of gifts.  Just playing and being together.  We are definitely on for this again next year!

The Crafty Update

Therapy session Holiday update Part 2 here!  Less psychology, more crafty!

So besides coming away with a psychological shift, I also came away from this Christmas season with a more crafty sense of self as well!  And for those of you who know me personally, you will know that this might be even bigger than the whole psych thing!  Although they really are related.  The story picks up here . . .

The adults in my family no longer exchange gifts.  Once in awhile, we do a white elephant exchange, but for some reason, they don't always go over very well!  But in the spirit of Hundred Dollar Holiday, I wanted to try one again but with handmade gifts.  I told everyone they didn't need to be made by their hands, just so that some of the pressure might be alleviated!  My one brother's comment about not wanting "to build a castle out of toothpicks" still cracks me up!  That's how I frequently feel about "crafts" too!  But I digress . . .

The response to the white elephant idea?  Nope.  Huh?  Yeah.  Nope.  Alrighty then.  More fuming and sputtering.  A few "Om's."  A couple of "Please God, help me!"  Probably a few cuss words too.  And then?  Ah, that peaceful feeling.  You know who you are and what you want to do.  Just do it.  So it was then up to me to come up with 8 gifts. 

Gulp.  Slight panic.  Look around the house.  Remember what Bill McKibben said.  "Think about what you do well."  Not crafting, that's for sure!  OK then.  Hmmmm . . . Cooking.  Ah ha!  I can work with that.  Pull out my recipe books.   Hey, there's that recipe for Mexican Mocha Walnuts that I wanted to try.  Oh and there's that delicious cinnamon bread I made.  Well, now, this might not be so bad!  Turns out that I bought 2 jars of homemade jam and some delicious local wildflower honey.  Made the walnuts and bread.  Threw in some persimmon bread that someone gave us.  And I also made the cutest set of "Christmas countdown blocks" ever!  In a previous post, I shared about my experience making them the first time.  They turned out OK, but I would never have given them to someone.  But with a little know-how and some help from a seriously fabulous crafter, I elevated these blocks to something gift-worthy!  (Funny, but I can't remember what the 8th present was!)  Anyway, although no one jumped up and down and told me what a fabulous cook or crafter I was, everyone got a gift made with love, and I got the satisfaction of knowing that I did it!  I was crafty, and I infused the celebration with what was important to me.  But really, the most satisfying part of this was knowing that I really can make something with my own hands that is meaningful and appreciated!  Just ask my mom how the bread was!

P.S.  I swear that I blogged about making these blocks, but I can't "find" it anywhere.  Definitely worth checking out the link.  Scroll down to #6 for the blocks that I made.  I'll keep looking for that post too!

The Hundred Dollar Holiday Update

I know some of you are way over Christmas by now, but since it has only been two days since Little Christmas, I'm going to go ahead and indulge myself in my reflection of how my holiday went.  I had great intentions and, I guess, high expectations.  If I was going to sum it up in one sentence, (and if that's all you care to read), it would be I certainly learned a lot--about myself and others.

Seriously?  I thought that making some of these changes would be a breeze.  No issues.  No problems.  Everyone would be on board.  Everyone's scaling back a bit this year, right?  I truly was shocked when it didn't work out that way.  When I was talking with the editor of Sacramento Parent magazine, she told me that she wasn't shocked at all.  She just really thinks that it is still difficult for people to make some of these changes.  Well, just call me naive then, because I really was surprised!

We had our extended family Christmas on December 18th at my house, and I had suggested that we buy small gifts for the kids (less than $10) and also give them $10 to donate to Heifer International.  (We don't exchange gifts with the adults anymore.)  This did not go over well with a few of the family members.  Some absolutely refused to do this at all.  There was mention of exchanging gifts in the driveway, gifts that cost more than $10.  I was told that I was "taking Christmas away from the kids."  I was also told that it was not my place to teach my nieces and nephews about giving and that I should basically lighten up and have more fun and enjoy this time with my kids while they are still "believers."

So after being completely pissed off for a number of days, I shifted my attitude and ended up not letting what other family members believed or wanted to do affect me.  I was still going to do it my way in my house.  And I'm not trying to toot my own horn here but just share that if you take a big breath, you might be able to make this work for you too, but take it from me--and Bill McKibben!--it really is not going to be easy.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't try.  Just be ready to adjust your expectations and/or your attitude!

The short story is that one of the gifts that I bought a nephew (for $10) was opened immediately and played with in my hallway by 3 of the boys.  I also wrote a nice poem and gave each of the kids $10.  They laid on the floor around the Heifer International catalogs, doing math in their heads, telling the others what they thought was important and why, and eventually coming up with their donation list of animals for families in 3rd world countries.  It was so satisfying to listen to these kids and watch them do this.  And no one seemed to have their nose out of joint because they got a smaller gift and were giving their $10 away. 

We had a really nice day.  The food was fabulous--which is always my goal!  My decorations might have come from my cedar trees and my kids, but my house still looked nice.   Everyone got along which is always nice too.  In spite of the snow, my brother and his family had made it over the Sierras, so we were especially happy to have them there.  Honestly, I had pretty much figured there was no way they would make it, so it was extra great to have them!

And really for me, I realized that the dissension really helped me to clarify who I am and what is important to me.  And what better gift could I have asked for?  I am really clear now on what is important to me and how I want to celebrate the holidays in the future, whether it is with my husband and kids, my extended family, or my friends.  I'm not saying that it was easy to get to this place either.  I spent several nights slightly sleepless as I fumed and sputtered.  But the fuming and sputtering left, and a nice sense of peace and self-knowledge replaced it.  Psych major, you know.  Got to be happy with that!

Making Merrier (Hundred Dollar Holiday) The End

From December 11th, 2009 . . . So obviously this post still speaks to me as I quoted some of the material here in my December article.  I still love the idea of giving other "things" as gifts.  My friend Tara gave the grandparents in her family some ideas about alternative gifts that they could give the kids this year.  I am giving some different types of gifts as well.  And as McKibben challenges us to look at what we are good at and try to make something from that area, I clearly know that cooking is my thing!  Crafting, not so much, although I was pleasantly surprised by some of the things I realized I could make this year.  But cooking will win hands down for me!   And still that blessed concept of giving things that matter.  Really.  Can that ever be wrong?

The early part of this chapter talked about beginning to get our families and friends on board with the concept of a hundred dollar holiday.  As the chapter winds up, author Bill McKibben gives more ideas on gifts.  His first words of advice are to give others ideas on "new" gifts to give, such as asking grandparents to record a story so that their grandchild can listen to it over and over again or have an aunt or uncle take the kids on a zoo trip.  If you've got ideas, share them until it gets easier for people to come up with their own ideas.   And again, he reminds us that it might take years before we--and others--get used to this idea of Christmas.

Think about what you are good at doing or what you enjoy.  Are you a good cook?  One year, McKibben made cranberry bagels, froze them and then gave them out.  (When I was a teenager, I loved making bagels.  His idea definitely sparked one for me!)  Another year he made sausage, the year after that, walking sticks.  Here is a short list of some other ideas that were shared:

• soap, lip balm (see Wednesday's post), or lotion
• puppets
• etched glassware (I've seen several ideas for this lately.  Apparently there is some gel(?) that you use to do this.  Might not be as difficult as it sounds!)
• marbled fabric ties
• jewelry
• photo albums (Check out Kodak Gallery, Shutterfly or any of the other photo websites.)
• blocks
• recipe books with family favorites
• a tape of a musical family member playing their instrument or singing
• gifts of time:  backrubs, trips to the zoo, a game of Scrabble, a walk, babysitting, etc.
• donations to a favorite charity in that person's name

Maybe this list will spark some ideas for you.  There are so many great websites with fabulous ideas on things to make that there will always be ideas for us to "borrow" and make!

I love this statement from McKibben:  I can remember almost every present that someone's made for me since we started doing these Hundred Dollar Holidays . . . . I have no idea what gifts came in all those great piles under the tree in previous years.  They didn't attach themselves to particular faces, particular memories.  So the point is not to stop giving; the point is to give things that matter.  (Bold type mine)  Give things that are rare--time, attention, memory, whimsy.  We run short on these things in our lives, even as we have an endless supply of softwre, hardware, ready-to-wear.

So the point is not to stop giving; the point is to give things that matter.   Aaaaaahhhhh.  Now that feels right to me.

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Making Merrier (Hundred Dollar Holiday) Part I

From December 4th, 2009 . . . When you get to the final sentence, you will see that I mentioned that our extended family Christmas would be at our house this year.  And I wondered how that might look.  Well, 365-plus days later, I can tell you--it is going to look different, and it was not accepted as easily as I thought it would be.  As I reread "Bill's" warnings that it might be difficult, I guess back then I didn't  think it would be difficult.  But honestly, I truly was surprised.  To me, it seems such a natural extension of our beliefs.  I guess I forgot that not everyone believes what I believe.  So, with that knowledge knocking me upside the head, we'll see how it goes.  My prediction?  Interesting but nice.

 

 

In this, the final chapter of Hundred Dollar Holiday, Bill McKibben assures us that there is no ideal Christmas, only the Christmas that we choose to create as reflections of who we are.  He also acknowledges that the first steps towards this new Christmas may be difficult for some of our family and friends to accept.  He offers a few suggestions for making this transition.

One:  Loan people your copy of the book as a way to try and enlist them in your new plans.

Two:  Download "Christmas Gift Exemption Vouchers" from Adbusters.  (Note:  You will need to Google this.  I tried to get a link to it, but it the page kept coming up in Japanese!  How in the heck does THAT happen?)  When I was on the Adbusters website (which is quite interesting, I might add!), I also found this-Buy Nothing Day (a bit different than Free Shipping Day!) 

Three:  McKibben also mentioned a group called SCROOGE--The Society to Curtail Ridiculous, Outrageous, and Ostentatious Gift Exchanges.  Of course, you can no longer receive their newsletter 10+ years later.  However, I did find this from an article about New Rules for Gift Giving in the '90s:  Chuck Langham, an editor of Defense Department publications by occupation and, by choice, founder and executive director since 1979 of SCROOGE -- Society to Curtail Ridiculous, Outrageous and Ostentatious Gift Exchanges -- has received lots of requests for specific rules to limit spending. His group offers this formula: ''Spend no more than one-half of 1% of your annual income on Christmas gifts.'' If you earn $50,000, that's $250.  I wonder if he still believes this to be true.

Four:  The Christian group Alternatives mentioned in an earlier chapter and post  is now called Alternatives for Simple Living.  (Their website offers much to look at.  I have to confess that I ordered 4 copies of the  2009 version of Who's Birthday Is It, Anyway?  I will happily share two copies with the first two readers who post a comment and tell me why they are interested in this pamphlet. )  McKibben suggested sharing their alternative celebrations catalogue with "more solemn" family and friends.

I like McKibben's final paragraph in this section:

Don't assume people will agree automatically with your plans; we are, after all, a culture that has been relentlessly schooled to commercialize the holiday.  On the other hand, don't be paralyzed by the fear that they'll object.  As we've seen, large majorities of Americans want simpler celebrations of the Nativity.  Tell your family that you're not criticizing past celebrations, rejecting childhood memories, giving up on traditions.  Tell them instead that Christmas means so much to you that you want to make it as joyous as you possibly can.

We are on the three-year rotation in our family for Christmas.  Next year it is at MY house! 
Hmmm . . .

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From December 4th, 2009 . . . When you get to the final sentence, you will see that I mentioned that our extended family Christmas would be at our house this year.  And I wondered how that might look.  Well, 365-plus days later, I can tell you--it is going to look different, and it was not accepted as easily as I thought it would be.  As I reread "Bill's" warnings that it might be difficult, I guess back then I didn't  think it would be difficult.  But honestly, I truly was surprised.  To me, it seems such a natural extension of our beliefs.  I guess I forgot that not everyone believes what I believe.  So, with that knowledge knocking me upside the head, we'll see how it goes.  My prediction?  Interesting but nice.

 

 

In this, the final chapter of Hundred Dollar Holiday, Bill McKibben assures us that there is no ideal Christmas, only the Christmas that we choose to create as reflections of who we are.  He also acknowledges that the first steps towards this new Christmas may be difficult for some of our family and friends to accept.  He offers a few suggestions for making this transition.

One:  Loan people your copy of the book as a way to try and enlist them in your new plans.

Two:  Download "Christmas Gift Exemption Vouchers" from Adbusters.  (Note:  You will need to Google this.  I tried to get a link to it, but it the page kept coming up in Japanese!  How in the heck does THAT happen?)  When I was on the Adbusters website (which is quite interesting, I might add!), I also found this-Buy Nothing Day (a bit different than Free Shipping Day!) 

Three:  McKibben also mentioned a group called SCROOGE--The Society to Curtail Ridiculous, Outrageous, and Ostentatious Gift Exchanges.  Of course, you can no longer receive their newsletter 10+ years later.  However, I did find this from an article about New Rules for Gift Giving in the '90s:  Chuck Langham, an editor of Defense Department publications by occupation and, by choice, founder and executive director since 1979 of SCROOGE -- Society to Curtail Ridiculous, Outrageous and Ostentatious Gift Exchanges -- has received lots of requests for specific rules to limit spending. His group offers this formula: ''Spend no more than one-half of 1% of your annual income on Christmas gifts.'' If you earn $50,000, that's $250.  I wonder if he still believes this to be true.

Four:  The Christian group Alternatives mentioned in an earlier chapter and post  is now called Alternatives for Simple Living.  (Their website offers much to look at.  I have to confess that I ordered 4 copies of the  2009 version of Who's Birthday Is It, Anyway?  I will happily share two copies with the first two readers who post a comment and tell me why they are interested in this pamphlet. )  McKibben suggested sharing their alternative celebrations catalogue with "more solemn" family and friends.

I like McKibben's final paragraph in this section:

Don't assume people will agree automatically with your plans; we are, after all, a culture that has been relentlessly schooled to commercialize the holiday.  On the other hand, don't be paralyzed by the fear that they'll object.  As we've seen, large majorities of Americans want simpler celebrations of the Nativity.  Tell your family that you're not criticizing past celebrations, rejecting childhood memories, giving up on traditions.  Tell them instead that Christmas means so much to you that you want to make it as joyous as you possibly can.

We are on the three-year rotation in our family for Christmas.  Next year it is at MY house! 
Hmmm . . .

Who Are We Now? (Hundred Dollar Holiday)

From December 1st, 2009.  When I re-read this, my feelings remain the same as when I wrote this a year ago. I didn't take my kids on a St. Francis-style hike, though.  I think I will still try to do that this year.  But I did buy last year and again this year the booklet Whose Birthday Is It, Anyway?  I love this resource!  I have always bought a few extra and given them away.  I've got one left this year.  If you would like it, shoot me an email!

In this chapter from Hundred Dollar Holiday, McKibben challenges us to think about who we are now.  "But though we may not need the same thing from Christmas, we still have needs."  But what are those needs?  They are certainly different than the needs of our ancestors.  The world feels different to us than it did to them.  We are far richer than they were, we eat more food than they did, we have never-ending noise and excitement in our lives.  More and more of us crave peace and quiet and more time, time either for ourselves or for our families.

"Our strategy with Christmas , then, has gone slightly awry.  We've gotten used to spending more money to make it special.  But if money's no longer as valuable as time, we're offering each other a devalued currency.  If you spend ten or twenty hours buying Christmas presents each year, you could use the same ten or twenty hours to make presents--time that you'd be able to spend with children, spouses, friends."

This paragraph really got to me.  "Devalued currency."  That's a very different way to think about money.  At the same time, it seems spot-on to me.  I think about the fun times that my kids have with their grandparents when they are around.  I doubt that either JJ or Sarah could tell me what they got for Christmas last year though.  My mom has started a tradition of taking each grandchild on an inter-generational Elderhostel trip when they are around 8 years old.  I know that these kids will never forget that experience!  I can't wait to see where JJ and  Sarah will go!  I still remember going to Utah with my grandmother and learning how to do a back bend while I was there!

McKibben also challenges us to ask ourselves:  "What was I made for?"  A few ideas from him--contact with the natural world, human communities, and a relationship with the divine.  The Christmas season gives all of us reasons to do these things and think of Christmas in a different light.

St. Francis, the patron saint of animals, suggested that people "wander the forests and fields scattering grain and seed" on Christmas Day, thus giving the birds and beasts "a day off" from the hard work of finding food that day, and sharing the bond of creation with them.  I think this is a great idea and one that I definitely want to do with my kids this season.

McKibben also encourages us to get out in our communities during the season.  He talks about taking cookies to his neighbors each year, and that with some of his neighbors, this is the only time that they communicate.  But that somehow, the spirit of the season is infused in this once yearly ritual.  He also talks about how much easier it is to enter some other communities--such as nursing homes--during this time of year.  (Sadly, though, January is then often the loneliest month in these homes.  I am going to mention this to my kids' teacher.  There is a local nursing home that she is planning on visiting with the children in December.  I am going to suggest that we also plan on going in January, and maybe February?  Who knows where that will take us?)

And then our relationship with the divine . . . so many of the messages that we receive daily are that the world revolves around us.  This message is so contrary to a spiritual life, of living and sharing with others and doing good for the world.  McKibben tells a story where many years ago, a Georgia-based group called Alternatives put up a big poster that asked:  "Whose Birthday Is It, Anyway?"  (I am curious to know more about this group.  They were seeking to reform the way we celebrate everything from baptisms to funerals.)  McKibben goes on to remind us about how we behave at birthdays:  the focus is on someone else, and we get pleasure from focusing on them.  We also get to celebrate and eat cake and have fun, but we are celebrating someone else, not ourselves. 

The final paragraph . . .If there's one way in which the world has changed more than any other since 1840, one thing that's truly different in our lives, it's that we've become such devout consumers.  That consumption carries with it certain blessings (our lives are long and easy by any historical standard) and certain costs (first and foremost the damage it causes the rest of creation.)  But the greatest cost may be the way it's changed us, the way it has managed to confuse us about what we really want from the world.  We weren't built just for this life we find ourselves leading--we were built for silence and solitude, built for connection with each other and the natural world, built for so much more than we now settle for.  Christmas is the moment to sense that, the moment to reach for the real joys."

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