Don't Pee on the Bee

A Movie Milestone

Well, we did it.  We finally went and saw and movie at the theater.  Yes, it's true.  My children are nearly 5 and 7, and this is the first time they have been to the movies.  But these are also the children who are traumatized on some level every time they watch a G-rated Disney movie.  The Little Mermaid?  Ursula still completely freaks them out.  Snow White?  Are you kidding?  101 Dalmations. . . The Aristocats . . . The Princess and the Frog . . . No way.  Sarah always ends up screaming and in tears, running out of the living room.  JJ will hide under a blanket--although I will say that he seems to be doing better.

But today, I felt ready to tackle the first-time event, and in spite of enormous pre-trepidation from Sarah, we headed to see Winnie the Pooh.  I checked out the parent reviews which said that it was safe for a child 3 and up, so I thought that I stood a chance with Sarah.  Well, she was freaked out before the movie even began!  And when the lights started going down, she got even more uptight. 

I must say it was rather funny to have JJ on one side of me laughing out loud hysterically, and Sarah on the other side, gripping my arm and whimpering even when JJ was belly laughing.  I did a lot of explaining to her as the movie went on.  And it really was not that scary.  The scary "Backson" monster was actually Tigger, so really, how scary should that be?  But JJ and I enjoyed the movie, and Sarah made it through.  I do believe that the promise of frozen yogurt after the movie helped somewhat with that!

And of course, the irony of the whole thing was the phone call to Oma afterwards. . .

Sarah:  "Oma!  We went to the movie theater today!"

Oma:  "What did you see at the theater?"

Sarah:  "Winnie the Pooh."

Oma:  "Oooh.  What did you think of it?"

Sarah:  "I LOVED it!"

Mommy:  "WHAAAAAAT?????"

I guess, like they say, hindsight is 20/20 vision or some movie version of something like that.  I don't know how you go from whimpering and clinging to loving it!  And I don't think that Sarah will willingly agree to go to the movies anytime soon.  But I still feel proud of ourselves!  We finally did it! 

Dorothy Who?

Do you know Dorothy Gale?  You probably do, but you just don't know it.  Dorothy Gale is Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.  Who knew she had a last name?  I certainly didn't!  But the May 2011 issue of Vanity Fair had an article about the life of Judy Garland, and there it was.  Really, did you know?

By the way, I am fairly certain that my children will never watch this movie!  I think they are the only kids out of our group of friends who have never been to the movie theater!  They get too freaked out watching G-rated movies at home!  If there is any sort of bad guy, Sarah flips out and runs out of the room, crying.  JJ will usually hide behind his dad's big chair.  Now do you get where I'm coming from?  I guess there's no place like home when you need to hide during a scary movie!

Mommy Grades

The May 2011 issue of Parenting magazine has an article in it titled "The Secrets of Happy Families."  Now, there was a time when I would have eaten up an article like this . . . when I was a sleep-deprived first-time mother, wondering if I was doing things right or wrong, and just plain worrying about everything.  Articles like this always felt like they held the key, and if I read them, I would learn how to do things better.

Well, six years into this mothering journey, articles like this don't resonate with me as well.  (And I actually feel guilty writing that statement since I am also a writer!)  But I just am a lot more suspicious of articles that propose to have the answers for all of us.  And even though breaking things into "8 Easy Steps to . . ."  or "10 New Ways to. . . " is a writer's gold mine, it makes me leery these days--especially when it comes to mothering.  Many of us already have the Bad Mother Police monitoring our moves.  We don't need more material making us question ourselves.

But it really wasn't the article about the secrets of happy families that got me thinking.  It was the sidebar with the question How Do I Get the Most Out of Motherhood?  (Already feeling nervous.)  The answers, of course, are in Parenting's new book called The Happiest Mom.  (Oh, yeah!)  And naturally, there are 5 easy steps.  (OK, "easy" was my word, but it seems implied, doesn't it?  Oh, yeah.  Read the first step.)

1. Take the easy way out.
2. Aim low, and go slow.
3. Trust your gut.
4. Keep it real.
5. Find your tribe.

So, none of these sound particularly "easy" to me.  Maybe it's just me.  But if I "aim low," I'm still going to wonder if I am aiming low enough!  Maybe I'm still aiming too high.  Maybe I'm going too fast.  Or maybe, in my case, too slow.  And maybe it's because I still have Race to Nowhere on my brain and am really questioning our definitions of success these days, whether it's motherhood, academics, or something else.  Do I really need to aspire to be the happiest mom?  What about a mom who is happy?  Or even relatively happy?  Or a mom who is in a perhaps slightly cranky?

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

 

The Race Continues

As  I mentioned not too long ago in A Little Local Love, my letter to the editor about Race to Nowhere was published.  My mom read it online and then called me and asked me if I had read the online comments.  Duh.  I don't know why I didn't think of that!  Then she said I might not want to--which, of course, being the 16 year old child of hers that I am, I promptly did what she told me not to do!

Not so much love.  Actually, none of the comments were positive.  And most were a back-and-forth between two commenters who were disagreeing about what they had written, not what I had written.  As I fumed momentarily, I realized that these people had completely missed the point.  While I contemplated adding my two cents worth, I knew that it would truly be a complete waste of my time.  It's obvious that when a commenter is basically saying that we need to tell our 2, 3, and 4 year olds to "get a grip," any further comments I had to add would lead to nowhere.

But then a few days later, there was another letter published, similar to mine, from an 87-year-old great-grandmother.  She had seen the movie too and was moved as well.  After reading her letter, I immediately got online to see what people might have to say this time.  No surprise.  The same people who had commented on my letter basically ripped her letter too.  Although this time, at least one of the writers acknowledged that  it is difficult to state your views in 1500 words (which must be the comment limit).  But the others?  They had no problem with their words.  "Same as (so-and-so)."  "Ditto."  At least that was better than reading their own (potentially coherent) thoughts.

This time, though, I was really steamed and wanted to comment so badly.  But again, reason overcame me, and I knew it wasn't worth it.  But the one thing I did consider was adding a comment and offering to pay for their tickets to go and see the showing that was happening this week.  As I began to imagine how those comments would fly, I decided to get off the computer and try to forget about it.  It's not that I  think that they need to agree with me.  It's just that I feel that their comments were so one-sided.  If they hadn't seen the movie, how could they really know what they were commenting on? 

So I'm going to continue for as much face-to-face conversation about this with the occasional blog post and see where it--and I--go from here!

A Little Local Love

So my letter to the editor about Race to Nowhere was published in our paper on Friday!  It's funny how even something little like that can be such a thrill to a writer.  And it's even more interesting to hear from people who read it!

A past employee of mine called and left me a message about it, saying that she found herself in the past arguing with her daughter's teachers about the amount of homework that she had.  One of the teachers suggested that her daughter do her homework in the car as they were driving to a very large family reunion in order to get it done!  Carsickness, be damned!

At JJ's t-ball game on Saturday, I ended up talking about it with some of the parents on the team who had read it as well.  We had a fabulous discussion in between hoots and hollers for our kids!  And we all agreed that we were grateful for our coaches who are pretty laid back and really want the kids to have fun while they are out there.  But some admitted to really needing to take a look at the messages that they send their kids.  At the same time, we all agreed that we do want our kids to do well in life, and if we are too laid back (in terms of homework and extra-curricular activities and college), will we be holding them back?  None of the answers are easy, but it is just so good to get those conversations going!

I'm still waiting to hear from my dad.  He reads the paper cover to cover (or so he says), so I am curious to see if he reads the letters to the editor.  I would think that if he had read it, I would have had a phone call by now!  

And of course, one of the facilitators of the Youth Commission who hosted the event emailed me with thanks.  I told her that I had done it for the youth more than I had done it for myself!  We'll see if I hear more!  And what kinds of conversations we can get started!

Race to Nowhere

 
On Tuesday night I had the privilege of seeing a very provocative movie called Race to Nowhere.  This movie was conceived by a mother who had concerns about her children as they navigate the early years of their education and are already suffering consequences from the overachievement culture that has become so prevalent in the United States.  The screening here in our smallish town was sold out and was attended by teachers, parents, youth, art instructors, local 4-H employees and a myriad of other people.  Our county Youth Commission hosted the event which made it even more relevant. 

I was so moved by the event that I had a difficult time sleeping that night, and yesterday not only did I write a letter to the editor of our local paper, I also sent another letter to the editor strongly suggesting that the paper take up this issue and at least write an article about the impact that the movie had on those who witnessed it. 

The movie interviewed teens, teachers, parents, administrators and health experts from across the United States and discussed the issues that are facing our children, especially as they enter middle school and high school.  Most of these teens are stressed beyond belief, trying to keep up with their AP (Advanced Placement) classes, sports, clubs and community service.  I have been told that the latest college applications have numerous pages where applicants must list all the extra-curricular things that they have done in addition to have nearly perfect grades.  And of course, this movie was made just as the economy was tanking, so it doesn't even take into account the fact that it is even more difficult now to get into college due to all the budget cuts at the state and national levels.  I was talking with a woman who has a college counseling business, and she told me that one "good" school (I can't remember which one now) got something like 50,000 applications for this school year and will be accepting closer to 4,000!

The haunting part of this movie dealt with the suicides of these young teens who cannot deal with the stress any longer and take matters into their own hands.  As the movie was being filmed, a 13-year-old girl killed herself over a bad math grade.  The sad thing is that after the movie, we were asked to discuss our thoughts with the person next to us.  And sadly enough, the woman next to me had experienced the suicide of her son's friend when he was only in 8th grade.  He had gotten a bad grade and was afraid to share it with his parents and hung himself instead.  So it wasn't just some heartstring-pulling event in the movie, it was sitting right next to me as well.

A Word Nerd 'Fesses Up

One of the things I love to do when I drive down to Santa Cruz ALONE is listen to NPR (National Public Radio).  Once I was talking to J.R. on my way down, and I said, "I"m only 25 miles from home, and I already feel smarter!"  He laughed, but I think he missed the gravity of the situation and the honesty in my words!

But seriously,  I love to listen to it.  And I usually hear "Science Fridays" because, of course, it is a Friday morning when I am driving down there.  And so last Friday, I listened to NPR for hours!  I even know where to switch to a different NPR station to get better reception as I leave the Sacramento area!  And I truly feel smarter after listening to these shows.  This time I even listened to it on the way home.  And truth be told, I sat in a Park and Ride near our house before I got home because I wanted to hear the end of the show that I was listening to.   It was a hysterical program having to do with words called "Says You."  Now if that doesn't make me sound lame and nerdy, I don't know what does!  Oh well.

But the funny thing is that I usually don't listen to NPR on those rare moments when I am driving in my car alone at home.  Why is that?  Is it because I don't feel smart when my kids are in the vicinity?  Is it because my kids have some weird super power that actually sucks my brain out before 7:15 a.m.?  What is it???  And that is the question that I have been pondering this past week.  And as a result of that pondering, I have actually been listening to NPR while travelling on local roads.  Wow.  (Still feeling nerdy and lame as I write this!  Feel even nerdier when I remember that I almost included in yesterday's post the fact that what really drew me to Martha Beck's article was the picture of a Scrabble board at the top!  Word nerd!!!)