Don't Pee on the Bee

The Celebrity Confession

Well, it has been quite awhile since I've talked about what I've been watching on TV.  It's so funny for me to think that at one time in my life, I didn't have a TV and couldn't care less.  Now, sometimes, I can't wait for everyone to go to bed so that I can slip out to the living room and watch my shows!

And now for the confession.  I watch(ed) The Celebrity Apprentice.  Now I'm not a Donald Trump fan by any stretch of the imagination, and I have never watched the "regular" Apprentice (way too back-stabby for me!)  But there is something about the celebrities--although honestly, I think that title is slightly dubious for many of the people who are on the show!---that gets me every time.  And I like that they play for charity.

Not too long ago, I actually mentioned to someone that I watch this show, and she said, "Oh, I don't watch any reality shows."   After feeling slightly chagrined, I realized later that Celebrity Apprentice, at least in my mind, is about as far away from reality as one can get!  But I digress . . .

So last night was the season finale, and I actually was able to stay awake until 11:00 to watch.  Miracle.  But my point for this post is that I was actually teary-eyed through the end of it, only because the two finalists were so passionate about their charities.  And when they filmed Marlee Matlin in Africa with her charity, giving hearing aids to African children who had never heard before, I lost it.  There was one mother there who finally heard her child say, "Mama," for the very first time.  Can you imagine?  And one little girl got a girlie attitude goin' on when she could here.  She started strutting around with her hand on her hip, dancing and laughing.  It was so sweet.

And then there was John Rich at St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, talking with kids and families with life-threatening illnesses.  All these bald kids and their families, talking about their lives at the hospital.  One family  had been there for almost a year.  I just prayed to God right then and there to keep my kids safe and healthy.

So anyway, I guess my confession is two-fold.  Number 1:  I watch some bad T.V.  And Number 2:  I am a big crybaby!  And honestly, I can say that I am happy Celebrity Apprentice is over!  I spent way too much time watching that show.  And soon, Drop Dead Diva will be back!  Yeah!  Now, that is some good TV!

Dirty Dishes

 
My life will always have dirty dishes.
If this sink can become
a place of contemplation,
let me learn constancy here.

~Gunilla Norris, author of Being Home

 

 

Dorothy Who?

Do you know Dorothy Gale?  You probably do, but you just don't know it.  Dorothy Gale is Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.  Who knew she had a last name?  I certainly didn't!  But the May 2011 issue of Vanity Fair had an article about the life of Judy Garland, and there it was.  Really, did you know?

By the way, I am fairly certain that my children will never watch this movie!  I think they are the only kids out of our group of friends who have never been to the movie theater!  They get too freaked out watching G-rated movies at home!  If there is any sort of bad guy, Sarah flips out and runs out of the room, crying.  JJ will usually hide behind his dad's big chair.  Now do you get where I'm coming from?  I guess there's no place like home when you need to hide during a scary movie!

Send In The Clowns

JJ's class put on a circus yesterday.  It was a big event!  On the first day of Kindergarten, his teacher gave us the date, told us to put it on the calendar, and let us know we were going to be in for a real treat.  Well, she was right!

In the morning, the class did the show for the school, so when I picked up JJ, he still had on his clown make-up.  (He was a "tumbling clown.")  As we were driving down the street, he said, "I wish we had a clown costume at home that I could put on and wear today."  I said in a very somber voice, "JJ.  Guess what.  We do have one."  He yelled with excitement, and then I told him that it was a clown costume that my mom had made for me when I was a little girl.

As soon as we got in the door, he stripped off his clothes and asked where the costume was.  I got it out of the closet and helped him put it on. 

 

Pretty cute, huh?  Now check this out. 

 

Unfortunately, you can't see the date at the bottom of the photo, but it says--are you ready for this?--1971!  That was 40 freaking years ago according to the new math.  In my mind, it was, well, let's just say 20 years ago, shall we?

Boys vs. Girls, Part 3

Or should I title this post Gender Benders? 

So here's what's going on in my house these past few days . . .

Sarah:  "I can pee like a boy."

Me:  "Whaaaaat?"

Sarah:  "I go pee like a boy."  (Funny I almost typed "bee" instead of "boy!")

Me:  "Well, how do you do it?"

Sarah:  "I'm not going to show you."

Me:  "Come on.  Show me."

Sarah:  "Nope."

This goes on for a day or so.  Then I walk into the bathroom one day when she is in there.  She smiles.  "See?  I'm peeing like a boy."

I just shake my head.  The girl has not only flipped up the toilet lid but also the seat as well and is sitting on the actual bowl.  Sitting on the bowl.  Not standing and peeing, but sitting on the bowl.  And let me tell you, she is one proud girl.

But wait!  The story doesn't end here.  She continues to say that she pees like a boy, but now her story doesn't really hold much water.  (Hee hee!)  UNTIL . . . she tells me to get out of the bathroom again.  So after a little cajoling, I leave and sneak around the corner.  Uh oh.  I hear the kids' step stool getting moved around . . . hear the lid put up . . . and the seat . . .a slight adjustment to the step stool . . . then it bangs against the cupboard which means it is no longer near the toilet . . . so I wait a moment, assuming that she has giving up and is peeing sitting down on some part of the toilet.

But as Super Sleuth Mama peers around the corner, the girl is standing there, like a boy, and peeing!  And I must say, she deserves congratulations because she did not pee on her clothes or on the floor.  Believe me, I checked!

So you're probably laughing and thinking this is a good story.  But wait--there's even more!

Then I hear JJ saying, "I can pee like a girl."  OK.  What the heck is going on?  So I go into the bathroom, and there he is, sitting on the toilet, and yes, peeing like a girl.  Fine.  Whatever.  Be yourself and all that good stuff.

But then later I hear him go in the bathroom to pee again, and I hear him say, "Oops.  Got to pee like a girl."  Then I hear the seat drop down and am pretty sure that he must have been sitting.  At this point, I give up.  I don't care how they pee--as long as they pee in the pot, and not on the bee!!!

Lunch, Dinner and Dessert

Whenever I start a cooking post these days, I always think Woe is me since I am so sick of cooking these days, and I feel like I have been complaining about it a bit too much.  But I don't really know why I'm feeling so resistant to cooking these days.  Once in awhile I surprise myself, though.

Now I haven't tried this yet, but the May 2011 issue of Sunset had a recipe for Spiced Lemon Quinoa that sounded really yummy.  I think those complex and unusual Indian flavors are just calling to me lately.  I swear I could eat Thai food and Indian food every day!  Unfortunately, my children's palates--although they surprise me at times!--probably wouldn't like this.

What they would like, though, is the Custardy Oven Pancake with Mixed Berries.  And mama would like it too!  We have been buying the most amazing strawberries and raspberries at our Farmer's Market.  What better time to try this?  I may have something new to report after the weekend!

Yesterday afternoon as I started thinking about dinner around 4:00 (big mistake, I know!), I googled "round steak recipes" to see if there was something there that sounded good and was made with ingredients that I already had in the house.  Now Mondays are usually "Meatless Mondays," but I was giving my husband a break because, good man that he is, he ate three meatless dinners in a row last week!  Sad to say, I can't even remember what they were now!

Anyway, I found a recipe for Steak and Rice that sounded halfway decent, andI had everything I needed!  And it was surprisingly quick to make!  I made it with noodles which was OK, but I would definitely make it with rice the next time.  (No one felt like rice last night which was why I pulled the switcheroo.)

The funny thing is that after I made it, I read some of the comments.  Most people said it was OK, not great, but not bad.  Some people loved it.  Other people didn't.  Pretty typical.  But there was one comment from a woman that I totally loved, and I felt exactly the same way.  She said, "Perfect for a night when you're short on time and don't want your family to think you don't care about them!"  I love it because don't we all feel like that sometimes when we've made a dinner that wasn't so great because we were too busy doing something else--like too much time on the computer that afternoon?  Well, I feel like that sometimes.  Anyway, it was a hit, and I will definitely make this again.  It does make a lot, though, so if you are a small family or don't want leftovers, you might want to cut back on the ingredients.  Also, I sliced the meat pretty thin and was pleasantly surprised by how tender it was.

And I'll tell you one more thing.  My dishwasher was loaded just fabulously last night!  And emptied quickly this morning!  Hee hee!

Genes in the (Dish)washer

I don't even know where to start this post, but I am in love with it already!  (Weirdo!)  It's just that it feels so good to get some validation about a few things in my life!  But before we get there, there will be a few twists and turns in the story, so please bear with me. 

Remember my post I'm Just Helping?  In it, I admitted to rearranging the dishwasher when my husband loads it.  (And I guess since I am admitting things, I might as well just say that I really don't let anyone load my dishwasher!  Suffice it to say that if you come to my house and any kind of cups, plates or utensils are involved, you will not be allowed to help clean up the kitchen.  Just ask my mother-in-law.  She finally stopped asking and just goes out in the living room and plays with the kids!  Good Grannie!)

Well, my mom happens to read my blog, and a few days after that post, she called me and said, "Check your mail!  I sent you something, and it is going to make you laugh!"  So a few days later, there it is . . . an envelope from my mom.  Now I think I've already said this numerous times, but for those of you who haven't paid attention, I'll say it again--My mom loves to cut articles out of the paper and send them to people.  (But I think she sends the majority of them to me!  I don't think anyone else would actually read all the stuff she sends!)  And guess what?  My grandma used to do it to her!  So I have a feeling that Sarah will be getting envelopes stuffed with important information that I think will interest her.  Although by the time she's old enough to start getting these envelopes, (a) I might be too old and feeble to write, or (b) there will be no such thing as envelopes, stamps and the postal service!  But I digress . . .

In the envelope was 2 articles and a note.

Your blog reminded me of years ago.  Linda and you were here.  Linda said to you that I rearranged the dishwasher after she had loaded it!  Your comment was "Don't feel bad.  Mom does that to me all the time."  Like mother, like daughter!

Now honestly, I don't even remember when that was, and I don't remember my mom being a dishwasher freak either, but apparently it may run in the family!  But that really wasn't very funny, was it?  So I kept perusing . . .

The first piece of newspaper I picked up and read (with a handwritten Laughed out loud! at the top of the piece) was by Jon Carroll, a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.  It was dated May 6, 2011, and was titled The Art of Dishwasher Management.  Oooooh, yeah.  It made me laugh!

I am the chief dishwasher in this house, and I like to have some control over my territory  I like things in a certain order because (a) it's possible to get more stuff in the washer per load if Certain Rules are followed and (b) it's possible to unload the dishwasher more quickly if like objects are grouped together.

I can't really explain this to people as fully as I'd like because I'd look like some uptight kitchen Nazi . . .    

I am already completely in love with this man!  I completely agree with both (a) and (b) and have made these statements repeatedly to those who will (not!) listen--ahem, J.R.!  And I just love the capitalized Certain Rules.  It just makes things so much easier when Certain Rules are followed, right?   And feeling like an uptight kitchen Nazi?  Oh, thank you, man, for putting words to the feeling!

If you are one of us--and I know there are at least a few of you out there because you emailed me or called me!--you have got to read his column.  And if you just need a good laugh, read it.  The story about the non-English-speaking grandmother and the dishwasher debate is pretty funny too!

But let me quote Mr. Carroll one more time . . .

And spatulas.  Don't get me started on spatulas. 

Amen, brother!  Where's the support group?